We started the multi-day celebrations of my darling husband’s birthday today. We were awoken at 7:15 by some friends calling to wish him a Happy Birthday - we are both accustomed to the fact that there is no sleeping in on your birthday! That was just the first of a slew of calls he will get all day long from friends, relatives, and colleagues.
We’ll be in Korosten for the weekend, celebrating Friday night with friends, Saturday with family. Sunday Igor is taking Michael to the forest for mushroom hunting. I, happily, can finally be excused from this activity. I just don’t get any thrill out of it, but Igor, his parents, and millions of Ukrainians anxiously await mushroom season and gleefully spend hours skulking through the forests in search of mushrooms. Me? I think it’s hot, uncomfortable, boring, and an endless battle against mosquitoes. Of course I’m more than happy to help with the eating of the delicious mushrooms! That’s more my kind of sport.
I didn’t manage to get his birthday present here in time to give him today (a digital camera ordered from the US), so today he got a new camera bag with a lovely picture of his soon-to-be camera. When I left for work this morning, he was already scouring websites to learn all about his new toy. It should be here in a couple of weeks, when a friend comes back to Kyiv. Nothing like a bit of anticipation!
The car is perfectly fine; well, not exactly but nothing is wrong with the brakes. The endless rain leaked into something and caused a short in the wiring that caused the brake warning light to come on. The mechanic apparently took me quite literally when I said “seal up” the leaky sunroof - he taped the roof with masking tape. It looks so bad, I have to laugh. At least I know that won’t last long.
Michael arrived last night, and Igor is playing with all his fancy photography equipment this evening (Michael’s a professional photographer).
We launched our new Youth Social Inclusion project yesterday - hrtrrah! It’s on our UNV website and the Ministry of Family, Youth and Sport. It’s taken nearly a year to get to this point, but we did it! And now for the hard part - actually putting the work plan into action!
The heat wave is officially over - and it’s freaking cold! The cat suddenly is interested in my company now that she’s cold - normally she tolerates us only because of our ability to open the refrigerator and spoon canned food into her bowl. But when she’s cold she becomes the nicest of lap cats.
Igor went to Korosten yesterday, and I’ll join him today. The car is in the shop because the motor burned out, leaving us without windshield wipers. It came as no surprise that they couldn’t find a new or used motor for our 1984 BMW, so they’re trying to repair our motor. Hopefully it won’t cost an arm and a leg, since the car itself is barely worth an arm, or a leg for that matter.
So I’ll be taking the bus to Korosten, something I haven’t done in quite a while. And for once I’m not too upset about that, maybe even a little bit glad ’cause it means I can work on my embroidery while someone else does the driving! I’m about half way done with my first cross-stitch. It’s got quite a few mistakes in it, but I’m plugging along. One important thing I learned is to not try to do it at 1:00 in the morning when I’m exhausted but can’t sleep - I ended up redoing the same little area about 5 times before I finally got it right. I couldn’t resist buying my next pattern yesterday. It’s got six colors (up from three with my first pattern), and involves two types of stitches, so it will be a challenge for me. But it’s relatively small, so I think it won’t be overwhelming. I looked again at the traditional Ukrainian patterns, for the ceremonial towels and shirts and things, but they are still way too intimidating. It’s fun to have something to work towards, though.
Speaking of goals - I went to Buffalo Expatriate’s farewell get-together last night (she’s moving back to the States). She’s been working with the International Organization for Migration, and doing research on trafficking and related issues. There was such an awesome, interesting diverse group of people at the bar. We went around the table introducing ourselves, with most people saying the usual “My name is…, I work/study at…”. One young Nigerian man introduced himself and said “I am going to the be president of Nigeria some day.” Talk about having goals!
But back to this weekend. Igor’s godson turned one this past week, and today is his birthday party. What do you wear to a first birthday party? I don’t think that this will be like an American baby’s birthday party, with lots of other kids crawling around and parents swapping parenting stories. I suspect this will be like most other Ukrainian celebrations - adult family and friends squeezed around a table overflowing with food, which will keep coming until long after you can’t eat another bite, and plenty of drinking and toasting. This would be the down-side of not having the car this weekend, as it’s always a great excuse for me to pass on the vodka shots when I’m “behind the wheel”. Maybe I’ll use the “I’m taking some medicine right now” excuse; that one usually works pretty well, too.
I guess it’s time to get myself together and head out to the bus station. Can’t wait to get to work on my cross-stitch!
It’s a hard way to start the day, reading emails about a high school friend who passed away yesterday. I haven’t seen Brian since college, but I remember him very fondly.
I had a lovely birthday. Lots of nice phone calls and electronic warm wishes from friends near and far. In Ukraine, the birthday person is supposed to bring sweets in for colleagues, and I decided to bake a big batch of muffins Wednesday night to take to the office on Thursday. We had fresh wild blueberries and sour cherries that we’d brought back from Korosten, so I whipped up a couple batches. With only one muffin tin that bakes 6 muffins at a time, it quickly became clear to me that it was not going to be a quick endeavor. 3 hours later, I’d had enough of the hot kitchen and called it quits. Dad sneaked a couple muffins, but most of them made it to the office on Thursday. They were quite a hit, and once word spread throughout the office, it was a great incentive for folks to come visit us up on the third floor.
I was sporting the absolutely beautiful bracelet that Igor gave me - citrons and blue topaz, to go with the presents of the last 2 birthdays, a blue topaz necklace and blue topaz earrings. The set is complete! Dad bought me the cell phone I’ve been coveting for ages. My colleague Anna gave me a really cool cookbook, with Ukrainian recipes in both Russian and English, and the most beautiful, appetizing photos!
I told Igor I didn’t want to do anything fancy this year, no evening out, nobody over, just me and my guys at home. The sweeties that they are, Igor and Dad had a cake with candles waiting for me when I got home and they sang “Happy Birthday.” Igor cooked a fabulous meal (as always). I had requested zucchini pancakes (like potato pancakes, only made with the zucchini). Being the creative overachiever that he is, he made up an entirely new recipe and combined all kinds of vegetables for the pancakes - beets, carrots, zucchini, etc. They were both pretty and delicious!
After dinner, Igor did the most beautiful thing. He told Dad that in the Far East they have a tradition that a husband who is happy with his wife gives gold to his father-in-law. Igor said “I am very happy with Ann, and I want to thank you.” He gave Dad a gold ring, which fit perfectly on Dad’s little finger. Dad got a bit misty-eyed, and finally said “I don’t know what to say.”
I can hardly believe sometimes that this amazing and wonderful man is my husband, that I get to live with him the rest of my life. What pure joy!
Isn’t it funny how something wonderful comes along right when you need it? Like the great news I got last night after my depressing funk about maniac drivers.
Petya and Marina got married!!!
Dad picked them up on Sunday and brought them back to Columbus, where they will live for the rest of their summer Work and Travel program. He took them to the courthouse Monday morning to find if they could get married in the US, and if so how. Turned out the answer was Yes and they could do it right away! I am so so happy for them.
We will also be sharing in another wonderful happy moment this weekend - Igor’s cousin Andrei is finally marrying his girlfriend of many years, Natasha. Andrei was best man at our wedding. They will have the civil ceremony on Saturday (just them and the witnesses), with the church wedding and small party on Sunday. We are honored to be included among the few people who get to share this important day in their lives with them.
Nothing like a wedding to make you feel positive again.
The past week is a blur. I remember the major outline, but the details are lost. We landed in Kyiv Monday morning and I was in the office by lunchtime. I finally stumbled home about 9pm, after several meetings to confirm plans for the regional workshop we were hosting in Kyiv, with about 40 people attending from all over Eastern Europe and the CIS, 1-3 July. I changed our vacation plans to be in Kyiv for this workshop, and although I really hate that we missed 4th of July in Columbus, it was important to be here for this event, even if I wasn’t anywhere near my best for most of it.
Tuesday morning Igor and I were both wide awake at 4:00 am, and finally decided to get up and go to the grocery store around 4:30. First time we’ve never had to wait in line there! I was at the workshop early, and had a long spacey day. Despite being exhausted all day, I suddenly was wide awake once I got home and couldn’t sleep hardly all night. Wednesday was similar, but I really wanted to visit with my UNV colleagues so I pushed through a long evening and had some friends over for dinner. The workshop wrapped up on Thursday, and we had a nice reception in the evening for everyone. I regretted leaving early, but I was near dead from exhaustion.
Friday we had an important meeting with the Ministry of Family, Youth and Sport about a project I’ve been developing for most of the past year. The project was approved! Just need to finalize the financing, which should happen next week. So, I could finally relax Friday afternoon. I met up with a couple UNV colleagues for a quick beer.
For the first time in 3 years, I was invited to the big Independence Day party at the American Ambassador’s residence. Although I was still really pooped, and was hosting a colleague overnight in Kyiv, I felt I just couldn’t pass up the invitation. It was a fun event, and I enjoyed spending a couple hours with American friends and making some new acquaintances. After that party, I met up with some UNV colleagues for a late night. We stumbled home around 1 am (I think) and collapsed.
Igor went to Korosten on Tuesday, planning to be there a day or two, but that turned into the whole week. After seeing my UNV colleagues off to the airport, I drove to Korosten to finally visit with his family and friends. I had really been looking forward to listening to Igor tell everyone about our trip to the US. I love to listen to him tell stories, for one thing, but also I learn a lot more about his impressions and perceptions when he tells other people about what we’ve done and where we’ve been. Unfortunately, I missed most of his stories this time since he’d been there a week and seen most everybody by the time I got to Korosten. I did hear a couple stories, though - like how awesome Niagara Falls are, and that Ohio is a great place for retirement ’cause everything is set up for comfort (drive-thru banking, drive-up drop off for the library, etc). Igor was also immensely impressed with the vast array of gardening tools my Dad has - a tool for every task, he said.
We had dinner with Igor’s family, then rushed off to meet up with some friends who were waiting for us at their dacha outside Korosten. I was driving, which meant I didn’t have quite as much fun as everyone else, but I honestly didn’t mind the excuse to not have to drink vodka. Time to dry out for a bit.
We slept like the dead Saturday night, and for the first time in weeks I felt like I had a full night’s sleep. We woke up at 9:30 - jumped up is more like it, since we had an appointment at 10. Neither of us could believe we’d slept for over 10 hours! After running some errands, we spent an hour or so picking raspberries and blueberries in the yard - yum! There are still some cherries on the trees, but we decided to pass this time. Igor’s mom made a fabulous spread for lunch (as usual), with the highlight being vareniki (dumplings) with cherries, blueberries and mullberries. We stopped by Igor’s college roommate’s house on the way to Kyiv to visit them and Igor’s godson, and of course a “quick stop” turned into an hour and a half and another bursting table of goodies. We finally made it home around 7:30. The first time in nearly a month when we are home alone, and what do we do? I start the laundry and he starts scrapping the ice out of our crappy freezer - the things that desperately need to get done but we haven’t had time to do for ages. Finally we settle down, open a bottle of wine, and he’s watching boxing while I catch up on my blog.
It hardly seems like we were in Columbus just a week ago.
We spent 2 days last week with my Moldovan friend Petya and his girlfriend Marina. Petya lived in Tvarditsa, and was my good friend and walking buddy in the village. He’s studying at a university not far from Moscow now, and met there the love of his life, Marina, who ironically grew up in a village not far from Tvarditsa. They had to go to university in Russia to meet each other! They are spending the summer on a Work and Travel program, and managed to get jobs in Ohio working concessions on the fair circuit. Not glamorous work, but they are getting quite the tour of small town America. We picked them up last Sunday and brought them to Columbus for the night. How strange and wonderful to meet my Tvarditsa friend in my hometown! We had a really good time with them.
Tuesday we took a long walk through the neighborhood, bought Igor an album for his growing collection of state quarters, and bought him a couple of buffalo steaks. It was a beautiful day, and we enjoyed admiring the lovely yards everywhere. We sat in a little park for a break, and to look through Igor’s growing collection of state quarters. Man, those things were getting heavy to be carrying around! Later in the week we found an album for him, and I thought it was going to be permanently attached to him. We were down to five missing quarters as of Saturday afternoon - which included 3 quarters that haven’t been minted yet, or at least that’s what I thought. That little genius Tyler showed at Dad’s birthday party with THREE of the missing quarters - including Arizona, which we didn’t know was available! So Igor brought back a near-complete set of state quarters, and next year we’ll have a good time finishing it up with Alaska and Hawaii.
Later in the day, Igor and Dad did a lot of yard work, while Tyler and I worked inside the house. She got an urge to bake, or more preciously she got an urge to eat sugar cookies so we baked a big batch of them, plus a pan of brownies. Yum!
In the early evening we went to the pool and we could finally make use of our new bathing suits. In Ukraine, all the women - no matter what age, no matter how big - all wear two-piece bathing suits. And the men all wear little Speedo-like things. I was very uncomfortable the first few times I went to beaches here, not being used to seeing so much skin and sometimes “too much information.” But after a bit I started to feel uncomfortable because I felt like I stuck out being the only person in a one-piece bathing suit. After one of my trips home I brought back with me the two-piece I bought at the peak of my Weight Watchers success, when I was feeling really great about my body. I had worn it maybe once or twice in the US but always felt self-conscious. Here in Ukraine, even with 15 pounds of weight regained, I feel really comfortable in my two-piece. And it’s so nice to be around people who don’t have so many body-image hang-ups, at least not on the beach. But as we planned for this trip to the US, I told Igor that I needed to get a new, one-piece bathing suit. He was really confused, and none of my attempts to explain why I just cannot wear a two-piece in the US seemed to help him. The matter was made even worse when I told him that he would have to get a new bathing suit, too, because he would not be able to wear his Speedo-like suit, at least not in Columbus. I think he thought I was kidding until I told him that I heard on an NPR podcast that a man was fined in Florida for wearing a Speedo (granted, I heard it on “Wait! Wait! Don’t Tell Me!”, which happens to be my main source of news these days). So our first day in Columbus he bought an “American” bathing suit, which he proceeded to wear as shorts for the next two weeks. When we finally went swimming Tuesday evening, he hated it - hated the feel of the shorts in the water, the way the poofed up, and he kept feeling like they were going to fall off.
Wednesday I saw “Sex and the City” with Cheria. Awesome movie! Thursday we drove down to Athens to visit Jenny and her family. I always forget how beautiful southern Ohio is, and Igor enjoyed the scenery as much as I did. Friday morning we got up early and drove west to Serpent Mound. It wasn’t as big as we had expected, but then again, after Niagara Falls nothing seems particularly big. Some of the Ohio Indian mounds are to be added to the UNESCO World Heritage Sites list, and since they are really special and unique, I thought it would be cool to visit them with Igor. We then took a leisurely drive along country roads back up to Columbus, stopping at a couple other state parks along the way. We also stopped at an Amish store, and Igor was thrilled to see some Amish people - “The only Americans who live like Ukrainians,” he said.
Friday night was a fabulous dinner at Madeleine and Dick’s with family and friends. Saturday morning we packed, which wasn’t nearly as bad as we’d expected. I should have brought another person along with me ages ago! The extra two bags made such a huge difference.
And then Saturday evening was Dad’s really nice birthday party. Lots of his friends and neighbors. And at the end of the evening he decided to crack open a 17-year old bottle of Armenia cognac he’s been saving for years. Wow, was it every awesome!
Sunday morning came much too quickly. Dad made his famous pancakes, and Scott, Carina, Tayler and Tyle r came over to visit a few more minutes with us. Cheria and Jahi met us at the airport for final goodbyes.
We are both so full of impressions, both of us still sorting them out. I was so happy when Igor said he’d really enjoyed the trip, everything we did and everyone we met. I enjoyed the washer and dryer, and having clothes cleaned and dried in under 90 minutes. We both enjoyed the convenience and ease of everything. We took Petya to the bank to open an account, and as we left he told me he couldn’t believe how nice the banker was - “They would never be nice to you in Russian,” he said. Yes, customer service is pretty darn good in the U.S. I like being able to pay everywhere with my debit card, but it’s also nice to use cash and never had problems getting change- never once did anyone yell at me to dig in my purse for coins because there wasn’t enough change in the till or the cashier didn’t want to be bothered counting out change. I love the ease and ability to recycle (it’s so painful to put paper in the trash can in Ukraine!).
There were some not-so-great things too. The fruits and vegetables taste like crap, there’s just no other word for it. Fresh Ukrainian produce beats the US hands-down. I missed having a beer during a leisurely walk on a hot day. Heck, I missed walking! Too much driving in the US. I was embarrassed by the number of just down right huge people that Igor noticed and pointed out to me. He was especially shocked to see obese people on their motorized chairs in the grocery store. He was also floored when I told him we couldn’t just go to the pharmacy and buy some antibiotics for his sinus infection, that instead it would involve a doctor’s appointment and a prescription.
Overall though, it was a wonderful two weeks. Lots of good times, lots of good food; great friends, great family. That’s what it’s all really about.
We’re having a great time being here. Niagara Falls was truly spectacular. On Tuesday we rode the Maid of the Mist and did the Caves of the Wind walk under the falls. It was so fun to see the look on Igor’s face - so thrilled to be there, so in awe.
Wednesday we took my nieces to Ohio State and walked around campus, visiting friends in different buildings. Thursday we drove to Ft. Wayne to visit Tanya, and we came back to Columbus on Friday in time for an evening at Club Diversity with chocolate martinis. Saturday was another Eddie Bauer Warehouse excursion, followed by a fabulous cook-out at Scott and Carina’s house. Even a thunderstorm couldn’t stop us from having a great time!
Food fantasies indulged:
Igor - steak, steak and more steak. He bought the biggest hunks of meat I have ever seen. One guy at the cook-out stopped dead in his tracks by the grill and said “What is that? Is that meat?”
Ann - chocolate martinis (Igor loved them too), Mike’s Hard Pomegranate Lemonade, more chips and salsa and various yummy dips.
We had brought a bottle of balsam from Crimea to share at the cookout. It’s a kind of liquor, made from something like 27 different herbs, and is supposed to be good for your health. You can put it in tea, or mix it with vodka. Igor was a hit at the cookout making cocktails for everyone to try the balsam and vodka. After one small drink, my 6′6″ brother stood up and said “Holy cow, I’ve got a buzz! What the heck is in that?” Somehow in our explanations of how great it is for you, we must have forgotten to point out it’s 80 proof, so mixed with vodka it’s a damn strong drink! Lots of people asked where they could buy it, but I doubt it’s sold here.
We had a FANTASTIC time at Niagara Falls. We rode the Maid of the Mist, did the Cave of the Winds tour, and filled the camera memory card in less than 4 hours. I’ll post more photos later. We also drove up to Lake Ontario to Fort Niagara, which was really cool.
More food fantasies were indulged.
Igor: steak, yam (first one in his life), more Guinness beer, bacon.
Ann: Ceasar salads (2), pomegranate martini, tiny little burrito-like things that were fried (brilliant!), salt water taffy (bought it, haven’t eaten it yet), Morningstar soy-sausage breakfast patties, English muffins (about 8), more chips and salsa.
After looking at me in my cute new Eddie Bauer clothes for 3 days, Igor admitted he’s ready to go back to the warehouse store and actually look for himself now. I’ve converted him!
In addition to getting my Eddie Bauer fix, I have also been indulging in all my favorite and sorely-missed foods. I was in Columbus barely 12 hours before I asked Dad to take us to Graeter’s for THE best ice cream in the world - and not a prune or raisin anywhere near! (I’ll never understand why Ukrainians think prunes go well with ice cream.) I had a giant scoop of delicious cookies ‘n cream - now there’s a great combination that desperately needs to be introduced to Ukrainian ice cream makers!
I’ve also had lots of chips and salsa, baba ganoush, hummus (multiple varieties), Starbucks mocha frappuccino, and blueberry pancakes.
We had a great cook-out on Sunday at my Dad’s house. Several friends who came to Ukraine in December for our wedding joined us, and it was nice for Igor to have some familiar friends to talk to. He was busy most of the time, though, cooking shashliki - pork, beef and vegetable varieties on an open wood fire. Everybody raved about how great they were, but I think he won’t do that again during this trip. He was way too occupied with the slow and tedious process, and didn’t get to socialize with folks much.
Today we drove to Niagara Falls. It’s a pity we didn’t plan better and apply for a Canadian visa for Igor so we could enjoy the amazing view from the other side. But the American side is pretty damn impressive too. We arrived too late today to do the boat or cave excursions, but we’ll do them tomorrow morning. We got lots of fantastic photos, plus a couple cool videos.
We hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast at Bob Evan’s, so by 7:30 pm we were damn ready for some dinner. We had wanted to eat at the Top of the Falls restaurant, but we were quite disappointed to find out it closed at 6. We ended up at Hard Rock Cafe, which was great. If I’ve been talking for months about clothes shopping, Igor has been talking for months about getting “real American steak.” Poor guy, it took three days to finally get one! He had the same look on his face after inhaling his New York Prime Steak as I think I had after my shopping spree at Eddie Bauer warehouse - a much needed and totally satisfying fix.
I’m too tired now to wait for all the photos to upload. I’ll write more later, and will post some photos here too.
We are in Ohio! After nearly 24 hours of travel time, numerous delays, and some tense moments in JFK airport, we made it to Columbus late Friday evening, with everything except one suitcase. Fortunately the bag with most of our clothes made it to Columbus, but the bag with most of the presents spent the night in New York and was delivered to us on Saturday afternoon.
Igor was really impressed with Dad’s backyard - it really is a beautiful place full of blooming flowers, shady trees, a little fish pond, and lots and lots of birds. By Saturday afternoon, Igor had announced that he will move to America if he can live in Dad’s backyard.
Shopping was first on the To Do list, as we had brought very little with us (on purpose!). A quick trip to Target for some toiletries ended up being an hour, but Igor got a bathing suit and looked through jeans. He told us how in Soviet times there were three brands of jeans that everyone knew and wanted - Lee, Levi’s and Wrangler. When he saw Wrangler’s on sale for $15, he was thrilled. I suspect we’ll be taking several pairs back to Ukraine with us.
We then went to a local market and got some pork and other cook-out essentials. Igor is going to cook shashliki for our cookout on Sunday, kind of like ke-bobs. Our last shopping adventure for the day was the best shop on earth, the Eddie Bauer Warehouse. I was not disappointed! We spent about an hour there, which was pushing Igor to his limits for shopping for one day. The men’s clothes weren’t on such a great sale, but the women’s summer shirts, skirts and dresses were fantastic. When we finally dragged our haul out to the car and were ready to head back home, Igor asked me if I was satisfied. I look at him with a huge smile and said it felt like I’d just shot up with the best dope around - man, did I ever need an Eddie Bauer fix!
We spent the rest of the afternoon at my brother’s birthday cook-out. He and his family moved into our grandma’s house last summer, and it was the first time I’d seen the place since Grandma died. They’ve done a fantastic job sprucing the place up, and yet have kept a lot of Grandma’s things and it all looks great together. The yard is also beautiful, and Scott told us his plans for the backyard that sound really awesome.
Most of the people at the cookout were Scott and Carina’s friends, of course, but Clintonville is small and our lives and friends overlap in many ways here. My classmate Bob lives a couple houses down from Scott, and I was really happy to see him, his wife Jane and their 5 kids when they mosey over. Bob and I went to school together from 1st to 12th grades, and he grew up across the street from Grandma’s house. We don’t know if we knew each other before 1st grade, but it’s very likely we did.
By 7:30 Igor and I were both ready to fall asleep in our beers, so we decided to walk home. We laid in bed for a bit, listening to the birds sing and really enjoying the peace and quiet. Igor said he’d never imagined it could be so lovely in a city. I’m so glad we came in the summer. I’m so glad we are here. I’m so glad Igor is here with me and that he likes it!
We’re sitting in Kyiv airport waiting for our flight to the US! The plane arrived late this morning, so our departure is delayed by 4 hours. I knew I booked a long layover in JFK for a good reason! The airline folks assure us 2 hours will be enough to get through customs and make our flight to Columbus. Let’s hope so!
The other reason I booked a long layover was to have a quick visit with my Peace Corps/Moldova friend Joanna. She lives in New York City now, and was going to come hang out with us at the airport for a few hours. I’m really, really sad I won’t be able to see her today.
On another note, Boryspil airport has radically changed in just the past 3 weeks since I flew to Georgia. The security and passport control have been totally rearranged, and now you can’t bring a bottle of water in the waiting lounge with you anymore. Of course, as soon as I don’t have a bottle of water handy, I instantly am parched and can think of nothing else except a drink of water.
After almost 3 hours waiting in various lines, we are finally sitting by the gate. Only 2 more hours to go until take-off!
In a week we’ll be in Columbus! I can hardly believe it’s been a year and a half since I’ve set foot in the good ole U.S. of A. I can’t wait to see family and friends, to show Igor the places I love, my hangouts from childhood and college.
Most of all, I can’t wait to go to Graeter’s ice cream, eat Mexican food (tragedy! My beloved Casa Fiesta has closed; thank god El Vaquero is still open), and dine at Aladdin’s. I want greasy Chinese food, especially egg rolls, and I can’t wait to eat so much salsa that I turn into a sombrero. I’m also desperate to get to Eddie Bauer Warehouse and re-stock my wardrobe and buy great presents for family and friends in Ukraine.
Igor told me that of all the places he’d like to visit in the US, Niagara Falls is at the top. Fortunately, it’s an easy drive from Columbus and we can make a nice overnight trip out of it. We’ve got reservations at a hotel right by the Falls, which Igor was most excited about when I told him breakfast was included - “Full American breakfast?” he asked. Oh hell ya!
Igor’s reading over my shoulder as I write and is concerned that all my food fantasies are because I don’t like his cooking. So, for the record, my husband is a fantastic cook and I am extremely lucky to be so well fed. If he picks up some new ideas and tastes in the US, all the better!
Cookout at Dad’s house June 15, at Scott and Carina’s house June 21, and various Happy Hours (mostly at Mexican restaurants - are you picking up on the theme here?) throughout the two weeks we’ll be in Columbus. It’s much too short of time, I know, but I am grateful for every minute. We hope to see as many people as we can.
We drove to Ivano-Frankivsk for Igor’s 10 year university class reunion. The education system in Ukraine is organized quite differently from most US schools and universities, and certainly very different from my own experience at Ohio State, one the largest universities in the US. In Ukraine, kids go through most of school with the same small group of classmates. When you enter university, you are also assigned to a group and you study with that small group of people throughout your five years of university. Students choose their department and major from the very beginning, so there isn’t the year or two (or three) for “exploration” that often occurs in US universities. Igor was in the history department, with a group of about 50 other students. So, over the course of five years, you get to know your classmates extremely well.
Igor hadn’t seen most of his classmates since graduation. A couple people he’s kept in touch with, including his roommate Sasha, who’s son is Igor’s godson. Sasha, unfortunately, wasn’t able to make the trip, but Igor was extremely excited to see the 40 or so people who were supposed to attend.
The drive was more of an interesting event for me, since I didn’t know any of the people who were attending the reunion. It rained most of the whole weekend, which made for a few stressful moments along the bumpy roads. Potholes are hard to spot when they are full of water and visibility is awful from the downpour! We had a couple scary moments clunking through some serious potholes, but thankfully the car seems to have suffered no serious damage.
One week after Orthodox Easter is “Memorial Day” or “Easter of the Dead”. In preparation for this day, you clean up the graves of deceased family members and put fresh flowers (usually bright artificial flowers, huge bouquets and grave blankets). On the actual day, you visit the graves of deceased relatives and honor the deceased, sometimes even having basically a picnic in the cemetery, toasting the deceased and leaving them “tokens” of food and drink (bread, colored eggs, special Easter bread “paskha”, candies). We were traveling back to Kyiv on Memorial Day, but we saw the preparations on Friday and many people celebrating the day on Sunday.
An interesting tradition to me is the tendency to put a memorial not only in the cemetery but also in the specific place where a person died, particularly if if was a traffic accident. You can see the bouquets along the side of the road throughout Kyiv and periodically along the road to Korosten. But on the roads we took to Ivano-Frankivsk, I swear there was a memorial every 100 yards for the entire 372 mile trek. And they were bright and very noticeable along the road, as family members had spruced them up with new bright artificial flowers in preparation for Memorial Day. I would think that such regular reminders of human mortality just might encourage one to drive slightly insane - but no! I was horrified by the constant stream of drivers zooming past me on blind curves, up steep hills, and in village residential areas - completely oblivious to who or what might be around that turn, over that hill, or walking along the berm. It was even more frightening to be that unknown car cresting the hill only to find a car coming straight at me in my lane as it tried to pass a car going “only” the speed limit.
I was greatly impressed with Igor’s navigation skills on this trip. Frankly, it’s taken him some time to get into the role. He doesn’t see well at all, even with his glasses, so he often completely misses signs and markers along the side of the road (if they even exist, which they often do not). And I often don’t read fast enough to be able to dictate to him whatever information is conveyed on the signs that do occassionally pop up. But Igor proved himself a better navigator in a cross-country trip when there’s more time to consult the map and make decisions, as opposed to driving in Kyiv, where decisions have to be made quickly. In fact, Igor turned out to be right more often than the actual official route posted on signs. He did a great job Sunday night getting us out of the horrendous traffic jam entering Kyiv. I won’t share the alternate route we ended up taking, as it was a delightfully clear and speedy route into the city and we hope it will stay “our secret” for future Sunday night trips back to Kyiv.
The reunion itself was nice. Igor had a great time, and at one point even said to me how he thought it was so important for me to meet to his classmates so that I could really understand him. Honestly, I wouldn’t say that I learned anything new about him or gained some new incredible insight, but I appreciate that for him it was a very important time in his life and very important people. It helped me put in perspective how it has been so important to me for us to go to Columbus together so he can meet my friends and see where I grew up. I think it will mean much more to me than it does to him, as was the case with his university reunion. I’m so happy he wanted to share it with me, and it means a lot to me that it was important to him. I think he understands as well how important it is for me to share an important part of my life with him.
Oh, one funny thing from the reunion was that I danced with one of Igor’s classmates, Mykola. Everybody speaks Ukrainian there, and I had been excited to get some “immersion” and really practice my Ukrainian. Well, I still can’t really carry a normal conversation, although I can understand about 80-90%, but it takes me too long to say my stuff in Uk so it’s just easier to speak Russian. But I really wanted to try. I was trying hard to keep up, but with the cognac and all, it got challenging. I followed most of the toasts, but sometimes just zoned out ’cause it was too tiring to try to follow everything. So at some point Mykola made his toast and I remember thinking “geez, didn’t understand that AT ALL.” Then later when we were dancing, the guy is trying to make conversation with me and I couldn’t understand a freaking word he was saying. I honestly thought he was speaking some completely random language, like Hungarian or something. My mistake was to reply in Ukrainian, which only encouraged him, I guess. At some point I said something like “Please excuse me, I’m from America and don’t understand very well.” And then I thought he asked how long I had been in the US, to which I responded, “Well, 33 years.” To make a long (and painful) conversation short, I finally admitted that I understood Russian better than Ukrainian, and then he switched to Russian but I still didn’t really catch his point. After two or three songs, we admitted defeat in comprehending each other. I told Igor about it the next day, and he of course thought it was hysterical. Turns out that nobody understands Mykola as he’s from some isolated mountain village with an extreme dialect (like talking to somebody with a deep Creole accent). I was convinced Mykola thought I was a full idiot, which was partially confirmed when he called Igor Sunday afternoon after having the amazing realization that I was American. I was confused whether that was a compliment or not - what’s better? That he thought I was a completely stupid Ukrainian or that he didn’t think I was a foreigner. Well, either way, it was funny that he only understood the next day that I lived 33 years in the US not just on some special program which caused me to forget my native language, but rather because I was actually born there and am a late comer to Ukrainian.
I’m very happy that Igor has reconnected with his university friends. One couple will come visit next weekend from Ivano-Frankivsk, and we hope to have dinner later this week with another couple who also live in Kyiv. We’re also planning some get-togethers with his friends who live not too far from Kyiv. I’m looking forward to getting to know better the people who are important in my husband’s life.
We went to Ivano-Frankivsk for the weekend. Saturday was Igor’s 10 year university reunion. It was our first real, long distance road trip in the car. Friday we drove the 600 kilometers in exactly 8 hours. All was fine. Coming back today the same 600 km took 10.5 hours - an extra 40 minutes due to a couple of wrong turns in 2 cities along the way, but a solid extra 2 hours to go the last 70 kilometers into Kyiv - the entire city seemed to be returning along with us on one freakin’ two-lane road. It was a nightmare. My legs hurt so bad from the start-and-stop traffic, and my shoulders are killing me.
At about the 500-km mark we were seriously discussing making the same trip next week for the three-day weekend. As we pulled up to our apartment building I told Igor I had reconsidered and I don’t want to do any driving for the foreseeable future.
We had a great time in Ivano-Frankivsk, though. I really enjoyed meeting Igor’s university classmates. He got more than a little tipsy and very sentimental, which I thought was really cute. I’ll write more about it later, right now I want a stiff drink and a massage.
I photographed Valentina’s artwork that is for sale. It’s a pity my father isn’t here to take really excellent photos of them! You can get a decent idea of them in these photos, but believe the colors and detail is much more impressive in the originals.
“Солодкий нектар для колібра” (”Sweet Nectar for a Hummingbird”)
Detail, “Солодкий нектар для колібра” (”Sweet Nectar for a Hummingbird”)
Saturday morning, Igor had to deliver our passports to ZAGS at 9 am; I wasn’t really sure why, but I long ago stopped asking “why” about any of the things required by ZAGS. His friend Vlad showed up a little before 9 with juice, tea and coffee, and we invited the Americans to our suite for a breakfast of leftovers from Friday night.
We had arranged a tour of the Stalin-era bunker in the town park at 10 am, and most of the Americans headed off there while Julee joined me at the beauty salon on the fourth floor of the hotel. My wedding hairstyle had been the topic of much discussion for several weeks, with me quite adamant that there was no way I was going to get one of those insane and ridiculous ‘dos that Ukrainian women so adore. I lost the battle. Nina had been insistent that I get my hair done at the salon, and I finally figured it couldn’t hurt to try it, and if it was really horrible, I could always wash it out and do it over myself. I got a bad feeling when I saw the stylist - one of the most frightening women I’ve seen in a long time, with an atrocious hairstyle herself. I also soon realized that she was horribly hung over from the night before. She didn’t seem to like that it that she couldn’t understand what Julee and I said to each other in English. I was glad she couldn’t. She emptied half a can of mousse into her hands, and the fun began.
“That’s a lot of mousse,” I meekly commented.
“No, it’s not,” she growled. I quietly resolved to keep my mouth shut while I calculated how many washings it would take to get all that crap out of my hair.
The end result was a prickly, rock-hard glittery helmet on my head. The hairstyle itself was pretty stupid, and not all “me”, but I had to admit I really liked the glitter. I decided to see what Igor’s reaction was - if he laughs, I thought, I’m heading straight to the shower. He was too dumbstruck to laugh. I had a couple hours before the wedding, so I decided to try it out a while longer before making a final decision.
We checked the arrangements in the restaurant, checked that everyone made it back from the bunker tour, wandered from room to room for a few minutes, and suddenly realized that everything was actually under control, there were no emergencies or crises or anything at all to take care. The last hour before our wedding was the quietest and calmest hour of the entire week, and we hardly knew what to do with ourselves.
The closer the time came to go to ZAGS, the less sure I was about the hairdo. 15 minutes to go and I was bent over the tub prepared to wash and restyle, but still not sure since I really liked the glitter. Igor flipped a coin, and my fate was sealed to get married with a ridiculous Ukrainian wedding hairdo.
We met everyone in the hotel lobby. Igor informed me that we were supposed to drive to ZAGS in separate cars. “But it’s just across the street,” I said, confused (not for the last time that day). “Yeah, but we have to drive there in separate cars, and you should take Julee and your Dad with you.” So we drove literally across the street in one car, while Igor drove with his best man.
The guests started arriving in the small lobby of ZAGS, and we all stood around as we waited for the wedding ahead of us to be conducted. Eventually one of the ZAGS ladies directed me to a small waiting room, and Julee and another friend Olga followed me in. Julee, of course, was a bit curious to know what exactly would be expected of her as matron of honor; unfortunately, I couldn’t provide any helpful information since I had no idea what to expect myself. Olga tried to tell her a bit, and in the end, it was agreed that Andriy, Igor’s best man who doesn’t speak English, would give her hand signals when they had to do something and she would just follow his lead. I know this was more than a challenge for Julee since she’s all about planning and knowing the details, but she was a good sport and managed great.
About five minutes to our wedding time, and another ZAGS lady came in to the small waiting room and started running quickly through what we were supposed to do. There were questions about how to address me (”Ann” or “Ann Marie”?), where to put the stamp in my passport (more on that later), would I be able to follow the ceremony in Ukrainian, would anyone translate for the Americans, etc. I figured that all I really needed to understand was the word “cholovik”, after which I would say “tak” (”man/husband” and “yes”). The lady started to herd us toward the ceremony room, still gushing out instructions and details. I couldn’t help but laugh, and commented to Igor that it was just so Ukrainian! I had just enough time to tell him that in the U.S. we usually have a rehearsal of the ceremony the day before the wedding, and it was just so funny and typically Ukrainian to me that five minutes before the ceremony this lady was telling us all these requirements and specific things to do that she thought were so important and critical.
The ceremony itself was very short and to the point. In fact, within the first minute I heard the keyword “cholovik” and said my big line, “tak”. Then there was “druzhina” and Igor said “tak”. Julee and Andrei unfolded an embroidered cloth (like a table runner) in front of us, and we stepped onto it together. Tradition has it that whoever steps on it first will be the head of the household - which someone told me about only moments before the ceremony, otherwise I would never have been the wiser; instead I looked up at Igor and said “together?”, he nodded, and we timed our steps perfectly so that we are equal heads of household.
We went up to the table, signed our names on the two certificates of marriage and stepped aside. Our witnesses, Julee and Andriy, were called forward and they signed the certificates.
(Two weeks later, on New Year’s Eve, Igor’s mother suddenly asked me in what language I signed my name. “In English, of course,” I said. “And Julee signed in English, too.” For some reason, Nina found this quite amusing and she was still laughing about it on Orthodox Christmas, a week later, how we signed the Ukrainian wedding certificates in English.)
We kissed and sealed the deal.
The ZAGS lady said some more things I didn’t understand, and handed us two goblets of champagne. We drank. She took the embroidered cloth that we had stood on earlier and tied it around our hands.
We then walked over to our parents, and bowed to them three times to honor and respect them. I thought that was a really neat thing to do as part of the ceremony. (another nice shot)
And that was it! Ceremony over, the guests each congratulated us in the ZAGS lobby and then headed back to the hotel for the reception.
(and another nice shot, and lots more in that set from my brother; I especially like this one.)
The reception wasn’t quite ready, though, so we invited everyone up to our suite for a first toast.
There was an impromptu “receiving line”, and everyone congratulated us again, giving us flowers and cards.
I threw my bouquet, which was snagged by Natasha, the young friend who had kindly arranged the flowers for us. We joked that it was nice of her to “lend” me the bouquet for the 30 minutes or so that I actually held it. There were a bunch of little girls, and several older young single women, who couldn’t be left out of the fun, so I threw several more of the bouquets that friends had given to me. Watch out, boys, no one missed a bouquet!
The guests all headed downstairs to the reception, and Igor and I took a few minutes for a breather and to sort out the cards and gifts. We must have taken longer than we realized because suddenly Julee was back, telling us some lady was looking for us. We hurried downstairs, and that’s when I learned what a tamada is. More specifically, who a tamada is.
Our tamada was a woman from Chernihiv; and she worked kind of like a master of ceremonies, sometimes the title is translated as “toastmaster” , but she was much more than that. Her job, basically, is to make sure everyone has a great time at your wedding. What a brilliant profession! I don’t know how Igor’s friends found this particular tamada, but she was AWESOME and I will happily provide her contact information to anyone who looking for a tamada - and the best part was that she spoke English! Without her, we would have had two very bored and very separate groups of guests. But she was able to bring everyone together for dancing, games, and all kinds of craziness.
So, we came down to the hotel lobby and she was waiting for us and asked us to point out our parents in the hall. She brought them out to the lobby, too, and if she explained what was going on, I don’t remember now. The next thing I knew, she was in the hall inviting our parents to be greeted by the guests. Then she called us, and we walked in to the circle of our family and friends all applauding and cheering. It just felt so good, so nice to be with such wonderful people, sharing our happiness and joy with the people we love the most. Then the insanity started.
She instructed us to turn to each other and hold hands. She then said in Ukrainian the kind of vows we typically say at an American wedding - I will love and honor you, take care of you in sickness and in health, etc. Igor of course hammed it up.
She handed us a goblet, and we drank three times - first to love, then to happiness, then to a long and happy life together. She turned to the guests and said in Ukrainian “So, don’t you think our young people are a bit bitter?” To which all the Ukrainians responded loudly and in unison “Gorko! Gorko!” (Bitter! Bitter!) - a condition that can only be remedied by the newlyweds kissing for as long as possible.
We again paid our respect to our parents. Then everyone headed to the table to start the feast.
The cake was beautiful, and as we found out about 8 hours later, also delicious (although it did have prunes in it - why why why do Ukrainians think prunes should be anywhere near cake??!).
We ate, we drank, we danced, we played goofy games, toasts were made, we ate again, we drank again, we danced again, more silly games, more toasts. Fireworks. The singer and guitar player turned into gypsies and sang and danced.
(this was the incident that prompted Igor to later comment “We had everything except a bear and a fight!” Apparently gypsies usually come with bears (?) and a typical good Ukrainian wedding always has at least one fight - we weren’t sorry to have lacked either of these, though.)
The eating, drinking, dancing, games, toasts and other madness went on until nearly 11:00 pm, at which point the party moved up to our suite.
Jeff was a big hit, mostly because he felt up every woman during one of the silly games but also because he’s such a snappy dancer.
There was great cultural exchange throughout the day and evening. The Americans learned lots of weird Ukrainian traditions - Igor dancing while I pretended to play a reed flute (I found out only a week later myself that this has something to do with him learning to listen to me and follow my instructions);
(look at that hair not moving at all!)
yelling “gorko!” (in Russian) or “hirko” (in Ukrainian) to get newlyweds to kiss (my brother learned this one Russian word exceptionally well and really impressed Igor);
and that a tamada is a really brilliant thing to have at your wedding.
The Ukrainians learned that Americans tap their wine glasses to make the newlyweds kiss; the newlyweds are supposed to feed each other with the first pieces of cake;
and how to do the famous O-H-I-O cheer from Ohio State University (after which one of the guests created a new K-O-R-O-S-T-E-N cheer, which unfortunately wasn’t quite as catchy but was nonetheless full of cheer).
At some point late Saturday night/early Sunday morning, people left and we collapsed. Much to my surprise, it only took two washings to get the goop out of my hair.
UPDATE:
I forgot to explain the passport stamp. Ukrainians have two passports - a internal and an external. The first serves as your official identification document in the country, the second is your international travel passport. The first one you get when you are around 17, I think, and keep it for life. You add a new photo ever certain number of years, and all your important life events are recorded in the passport - marriage, divorce, children’s births. So, Igor’s passport is stamped on the “marriages” page with the appropriate information - married on 22 December 2007 to Ann Marie Merrill, citizen of USA. Since we don’t have these kinds of internal passports in the US, we used my international travel passport. I have a similar stamp on the last page, which states that on 22 December 2007, I married Mr. Ihor Pashinskyy (Ukrainian spelling, of course) and that my last name is now Merrill (since I opted not to change my name). The irony is that my passport expires in October 2008, and in the US that means getting a whole new passport. Fortunately, we also have an official marriage certificate that documents our new status. I hope the passport agency will let me keep this passport after it’s expired, though, since the stamp is kinda cool.
We arrived in Korosten around 5 pm. As we approached, I briefly ran through the plans for the weekend - dinner Friday at Igor’s parents’ house, wedding at 1:00 pm followed by reception on Saturday, brunch on Sunday at a friend’s farmhouse. Return to Kyiv early Sunday evening.
During my work and travels with the Chornobyl Recovery and Development Programme, I’ve had plenty of experience with the one hotel in town (the only decent hotel for about a 70-mile radius, I might add). Although a privately-run business, the administration still retains some of that old-world Soviet “charm”. Thus, it was especially delightful after the stress and drama earlier in the day to find that checking-in to the hotel was a breeze. The receptionist had a list of all the rooms reserved for us and handed me keys as I went down my list of guests. It was, by far, the smoothest part of the day.
While I took care of settling in the Americans, Igor went with Anya and Gresha to another very small private hotel nearby, called “Chateau”. It’s actually a restaurant, but there are two luxurious hotel rooms for rent there, decked out with individual saunas and small bathing pools (more like dipping pools, really, for plunging in the cold water when you are good and hot from the sauna). Knowing how hard Anya and Gresha work all the time on their farm, with almost no time at all to relax and enjoy themselves and each other, we had decided to make a small present to them and arranged for one of these special rooms for them for the weekend. I think they liked it.
Back at the main hotel, I was thoroughly impressed by the lovely third floor “lux” rooms. I’ve always stayed in the half-lux (what I would call “regular”) rooms, and once or twice, in a pinch, in a “standard” (aka, full crap) room on the second floor. We had rented the “apartament”, or suite, for ourselves, in anticipation of entertaining guests throughout the weekend. It was AWESOME! We had two gigantic rooms, a full-size refrigerator, dining table with 6 chairs, huge couch, big screen TV, and one and a half baths.
We had about an hour for everyone to settle in before heading over to Igor’s parents’ house for dinner. A fleet of taxis were called to transport us, and I arrived in the first car. I had tried to prep everyone a bit about what to expect - an overflowing table, lots of booze, more food than you’ve ever seen that will keep coming and coming, and toast after toast after toast. A few things about a Ukrainian dinner party that will be unusual for an American: the table should be so full that plates are stacked on top of each other; the host will make sure the guests’ plates and glasses are always full, even if there is no way the guest can eat another bite; it’s unthinkable to have so little food prepared that your guests actually eat it all; it’s a self-serve, family style table, and you use your own silverware to serve yourself and it’s perfectly acceptable to double-dip; there is no way the host would let a guest help clear the table, wash dishes, etc. I also said a word about the “facilities”, since there is no running water in their neighborhood. “The outhouse is a good one,” I said, “it’s just a bit challenging now because it’s so cold outside.” I am pleased to report there were no outhouse disasters.
Anyway, back to dinner. I had been nervous that the food would be too strange and unusual for the Americans. Silly me! I’d forgotten that Julee’s family is Polish, so the golubsti and pierogi were not only very familiar, but some of the kids’ favorite foods. Dick, as well, is of Slovak heritage, and Madeleine traveled in the Soviet Union, so both of them were familiar and happy with the food. Scott, Carina, Tayler and Tyler also seemed to do OK. I had been especially concerned about Kyle, since the food would be completely unfamiliar to him, but I quickly learned that if it’s meat, he likes it. He also absolutely loved Nina’s homemade dill pickles, which are by far the best pickles ever made on this planet. We ate, we drank - well, they ate and drank, while Igor and I tried to translate the 37 different simultaneous conversations. We took turns, almost like a tag team at a pro wrestling match, facilitating the conversations his father wanted to have, most of them with my father. Eventually, my brain more or less shut down, although Ivan was still going strong despite the large amount of vodka in him. I just couldn’t translate anymore, so I just asked everyone to laugh and trust me that his story was very funny. They thought that was funny, and Ivan was none the wiser.
Gifts were exchanged - these had been the topic of much discussion on two continents for several months now, with regular and frequent emails and telephone conversations dedicated to providing consultation to various parties about sizes, styles, etc. Kyle looked fantastic in his traditional Ukrainian shirt; the girls loved their sporty hats; Nina and Ivan were wild over their authentic American farmer overalls; Scott and Carina will be warm and toasty in their Carpathian wool blanket; Dad and Aunt Mary Ellin weren’t quite sure how they were going to get their paintings back to the US.
At one point, Carina, with huge eyes, said to me “I can’t believe this! I can’t believe how much food there is! I can’t eat another thing!” I laughed, and said “And this is just the first day!” Oh my god, I just realized that we are having a 3-day wedding. How the hell did this happen? What happened to our small and simple wedding?!
Another fleet of taxis was called to transport everyone back to the hotel. We stayed another hour or so, finally enjoying the meal ourselves and reviewing the details of the evening with Nina and Oksana - it was a complete and total success.
When I left for work this morning, he was already scouring websites to learn all about his new toy. It should be here in a couple of weeks, when a friend comes back to Kyiv. Nothing like a bit of anticipation!
